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New Contest: Win a 17 Inch Master Mechanic or Original BadAss

Win your choice of the:
Original Bad Ass rubber spanking paddle   Original Bad Ass rubber spanking paddle
Original BadAss
Master Mechanic


If you've been craving a BadAss spanking toy but haven't ordered one yet, now's your chance to get one free. Actually, it'll cost you one good soundbite, which is cheaper than getting it for a song.

A new contest starts today and this time we're gonna do it in style! We got rules. We got a deadline. We got a panel of celebrity bloggers to decide who gets the prize! Rules are below and must be followed to win a free toy (retail value $60 plus free S+H).

To claim the prize, all you gotta do is come up with a clever soundbite: a pun, one-liner, joke or quip about the paddles to help me sound funnier than I really am when I'm giving interviews. Whoever makes the jury laugh the hardest gets one free Original BadAss or Master Mechanic, their choice. Here's a few examples to give you an idea of what I'm looking for:

Tread on those you love

Doe hand spanking make you tired?

weapons of ass destruction

I told a journalist that I had created the paddles in part because I was so frustrated with how uptight Americans are that I just wanted to hit them (It slipped out, what can I say). It was an unintended pun, but not a bad mission statement on some levels…

I'm pretty sure a lot of you can do better than the examples above. I know there've been some funny things said about these things in the past few months, but damned if I can remember them now.

Here at BadAss I take my work pretty damn seriously. I want to make the best spanking toys possible, period. That said, I like a good laugh. And if you can laugh at yourself, well, life is that much richer for it.

Contest Rules:

  • There's a difference between funny and offensive. Please be aware that any hateful comments will be deleted. We want to laugh with, not at, okay?
  • The winner receives one free Original BadAss or Master Mechanic, their choice, free of charge and postage paid.
  • Entries must be made in the comments of this post to be considered. No emailed entries, no exceptions. The jury will make their selection by reading the comments on this post and choosing their favorites. They will then mudwrestle until one dominates the others into accepting their greater wisdom.
  • Each contestant may submit as many entries as they like. In the event of duplicate entries, the entry received first will be declared the winner.
  • The contest will be juried by Sam Sugar, Sabrina Morgan, Vixen and more sexy bloggers TBA
  • Decision of Judges is final. Only one prize will be awarded.
  • Contest starts today, February 24 and closes Monday, March 27 at midnight EST.
  • Winner will be selected and announced by March 31.
  • Winner will be notified by email. An email address is required to post an entry in the comments. Email addresses will not be published, ever.
  • Winner agrees to be identified in some fashion here on the blog. You may choose a pseudonym if you wish, but I have to call you something when I make the announcement. I would love to be able to post a photo of the winner with their new toy, but that is up to you and your comfort level.

Don’t want to wait for the contest to be over?  You can place an order here. If you already own a 17" BadAss, and are selected as the winner, BadAss Paddles will credit you a $60.00 discount on another implement of your choice.

BadAss Paddles respects your privacy and will never sell or trade your email or private information.  All BadAss Paddles are shipped in a plain, unmarked packaging with no identifying features.


Gray Troutman

rubber the right way


Kudos Gray! That's a good one. Exactly the sort of tihng I'm looking for.


If you can't beat the one you love, beat the one you're with

Tread on me

(In the truly bad pun category):
Where the rubber meets the broad


Are you a musician, DM? I think you have the most frequent lyrics-based comments.

Actually, that last one is awful but I love it. Heh.


No, I'm not a musician, never had the skill though I took lessons for over 10 years. I'm just a freak :) I debated not including the last one because it was so bad...


BadAss Paddles - For the ass that's been bad.

BadAss Paddles - Crack-tion where you need it most!

sean Maguier

try this one for a test drive,

--Badass Paddles- feal the tread before you ride...
--Badass Paddles- get a grip!


VibeRader + Sean,

Thanks for submitting entries!


I know it's outside the contest, but I couldn't resist. Clearly you need a punful theme song. With no further ado, and with many apologies to Sesame Street:

Rubber paddle you're the one
You make spanking lots of fun
Tirepaddle I'm awfully fond of you

Woo woo be do

Bad ass paddles joy of joys
You're the heaviest of my toys
Tirepaddles make lots of noise

Doo doo doo doo

Every day when I
Make my way to the subby
I find a paddle whos
long and black and rubbery


Tirepaddle, you're so fine
And I'm lucky that you're mine
Rubber paddle, I'm awfully fond of you.

Every day when I
Make my way to the subby
I find a paddle whos
long and black and rubbery

Badd Ass Paddle, you're so fine
And I'm lucky that you're mine
Rubber paddle, I'm awfully fond of -
Rubber paddle, I'd like a whole pound of -
Rubber paddle I'm awfully fond of you!

Doo doo, be doo


Heh. That's hilarious, DM! Can I repost it as an entry on the main page?

You're right, I have been wanting a theme song for quite a while.


Be my guest, post away.


BadAss Paddles

Keeping tracks on your loved ones

Maybe a bit brittish..


Nice one, Miss! Cracked me up.


For when you want that run down feeling
I should have looked both ways before crossing
Remember when you take a penny and Lincoln's head is showing it's time for a new paddle or at least give your sub a break
Now you can wield the wheels of justice
The next level for us who were hit with the "HotWheels" race tracks.
For the very best in rearend collisions
The best way to deal with road rage
For that auto-body experience
I don't know if my auto insurance cover this
No Nascar fan should be without one

Dark Goddess

Master Mechanic: Now you've got an excuse for Skidmarks! (LOL ok so its tacky.)
BadAss Paddles: For the Tired Tush!

Ok so not too great. Ill try again later. =)


Dark Goddess:
Do try again! There's no limits to the number of entries you can submit.

Okay, now I get it. It's a list of suggestions… I thought it was a song at first.

Keep 'em comin' people!

rylan ramsey

i love spanking... it's how i roll!



I like it!

rylan ramsey

we are going to leave tracks on your little bad ass!


Come on baby light my fire, spank me with that bad ass tire!


Hey there big daddy i wont tattle, but only if you spank me with a bad ass paddle.


Acid Candy, nice ones!

Rylan, Keep 'em comin'.

Everybody else: Fire away and give the contestants above some competition. Let's heat it up a bit!




Bad Ass Paddles: a product you can really get behind.

Also in front of.

Bad Ass Paddles: making the sub your bitch since 2005

Nothing says love like a Bad Ass

Bad Ass Paddles: industrial strength pain

Bad Ass Paddles: play equipment for heavy players

Bad Ass Paddles: you'll remember it the next morning

Bad Ass Paddles: making subs sit funny since 2005



industrial strength pain: I freakin' love it! In fact, I might make that the new product description whether the judges smile on you with a free paddle or not.

It really does sum it up, doesn't it?

You've got a way with words, babe. Rock on.

The comments to this entry are closed.


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